Remembering Endicott

This yellow truck was something that I found on the rocks as I left Tama when I visited you earlier this year. I tried to find it again as another sign but I could feel you today without any tangible proof needed.

I miss you so much Endo and wish I could hug you and listen to music and hang out aimlessly at the beach or in my room all the time like we once did. I know that we’d have an awesome day of activities planned but today is actually a bit gloomy so maybe the beach would be off the cards this time.

You’d be happy to hear that Dana has found herself a best friend at college too and that they do almost everything we did together - even mario kart!!! I still have all of your unbeaten records on that damn game.

Happy 23rd birthday beautiful boy. We are all thinking of you and miss and love you so much that no words can describe.

Yours always, Al. Xxxx

Two years today that you so suddenly left us. The universe was crying with us yesterday in Sydney as I thought of you. There are so many memories I have of us, of you, at Johns and at Tama. I went down with Soph and Dana and we brought you the closest thing I could get to daisies - your mum had told me previously when she visited how you used to pick flowers for her. What a chivalrous gentleman you were Endo!!!!! Whenever I come down to Tama and talk to you I can feel you there. Whether it’s a cold breeze or a feeling inside that just assures me I’m not alone and some mad woman talking out to the ocean with nobody around. But last night more than ever. You were there as my feet were hugged by the ocean that took you, you were there when I curled up into the side of the rocks where we sat that time sheltered from the storm that came over, and you were there as we left just sitting on the edge of a rock and left us a toy truck to let us know. Your mother then told me how you had lost a toy truck as a child and that brought me to tears because it was the biggest sign I’ve ever received from you. I miss you each and every day and I wish I had the chance to say so many more things to you. Thank you for looking out for me and guarding me and giving me the strength to pull through the hard times, just as you helped me through them at Johns. I know you are looking out for the rest of your famil and friends too and you truly are an angel Endo. I’ve had heaps of heartbreaks as you probably know, but this is none like any other. I miss you and I love you. Forever yours Al. 💕

Oh Endi. Every day without you is so painful, almost more than I can bear. So when I tell you that today is the worst day in a long time, that should really tell you something. Since you can’t be here with me, I thought I’d write you a letter.

We took your brother Simon to college yesterday. The University of Pittsburgh, but you know that. He’s an amazing young man, and you deserve a lot of the credit for how great he is. I never like to compare Simon to you too much, because he deserves to be his own person (and he is), but I also know that you loved having a younger brother and you saw in him an opportunity to shape him and make him (almost) as cool and confident as you. You succeeded. He’s going to thrive, and you’ll always be a part of him.

When you were little, remember, people said you and Holden were like twins. Always together, and him always looking out for you. Then, as you got older, you went in your own directions (as it should be), and I think you felt that in many ways you were very different from Holden. But when you learn that he is in Senegal, in the Peace Corps, helping others, you see just how similar you two have always been. Same spirit of adventure, same sense of no boundaries, same desire to make the world a better place, same confidence and big heart.

Hannah, your rival and beloved big sister, is a lawyer in New Hampshire (but you know that, too). She, too, is helping others as a public defender. As much as you loved to complete with Hannah, I know you must be very proud to see the good that she is doing. You, too, have always had a powerful sense of justice.

I am so proud of all of them. And I am proud of you, too, Endi. What a truly incredible young man. What a wonderful son to have had in my life.

The day before we took Simon to college, he rolled into the driveway in his Jeep with the windows rolled down and the music loud. Just like you used to. At the time it made me smile (the truth is I think about you and smile all the time, because of your sheer awesomeness). But now I am remembering that, and I am crying. I want you to be here with us so much. Right now, by my side, where you are supposed to be.

Endi, I love you. More than these words or any can ever say. Love, Father. August 22, 2018

Thank you Echo Hill Camp for another beautiful Endi Olympics Day 2018.

Always in Spirit - the skies were blue

One way those of who love Endi show our love is through artwork. His great-aunt Geri, an accomplished painter in California, created this image of Endi in the wilds of West Virginia.

Endi’s friend Alyssa created these two mystical studies.

And recently Endi’s lifelong friend Bella created this body artwork:

When read upside-down, it reads Echo. That is a reference to Echo Hill Camp they both attended and loved — and to the echo of Endi we will always hear.

Missing you my Endicott but know that you are in my heart always, mom

Easter Week on Isla Mujeres - always missing you and thinking of you with love. Peace our son.

Somewhere, somehow I know that Endicott saw his beloved Eagles win a Super Bowl.  

Endi, you were definitely down in the family room cheering with all of us. Fly Eagles Fly 🦅!