Remembering Endicott

In the past few days I tried to remember how I met Endi for the first time. I thought it would have been this one day three years ago in June. I was walking through the hallway with my friends where he was standing with some other guys. He was leaning at a table so cool and relaxed like the star of some high school movie and was looking at me. Till today I don’t know what this look meant but it was so intense that my heart still beats faster when I think about this scene. I’m sure it wasn’t coincidence that we were there at the same time.
But actually, that wasn’t the first time I met Endi. I already have met him earlier that week. It was a really hot day and we had English lessons when our teacher told us that during these lessons some American exchange students will come and tell us something about their lives in the US. I wasn’t one of the lucky students who were chosen to attend the exchange to the USA in the following October so I was really thrilled to got the chance to meet some of the Americans at least during their time here in Germany. I remember how he was standing in the front of the board looking at the class being so confident and relaxed while talking about him being from Fairfax, Virginia and playing football like he was used to give interviews every day.
I think he had us all the minute he walked in. I have to admit that I was one of the girls who had a crush on him. But how could you resist? He was a charismatic, fascinating guy whose smile was contagious. Whenever he walked by people were looking at him. The girls adored and the guys admired him, watching every of his moves like they could learn something from him. Wherever I went during these days almost everybody talked about him. “This guy called Endicott. The football player from America”. I bet everybody knew about THIS SPECIAL GUY.
Unfortunately, the time was short and he wasn’t around much so I never got the chance to get to know him better.
But even though I only knew him briefly he touched my heart somehow. I always did and still do wish I’d known him better.
When I found out about what happened I couldn’t believe it. I always told myself that this couldn’t be real. I may not have been one of his close friends but I never did or will forget about him. I’m still in shock and infinitely sad.
Just some weeks ago when I saw a new picture of him popping up on Facebook I thought “maybe we will meet again some day”. And I’m sure we will. Maybe not now, maybe not so soon, but I’m sure we will…some day.

My heart goes out to the Ackerman family and everyone who had known him. I can’t imagine what you feel right now and you have to deal with. I wish I’d be closer to you during this hard times.

I’m sure I will never meet a person like him again. So incredibly special. He was a great guy.

• Antonella Heidel, Dortmund/Germany

So, posting all those photos was the easy part. This part, not so easy. We love this boy. Though we haven’t seen too much of him the last few years (but grateful and blessed to have seen him in our house this past Winter), for many years he was a part of our family. He was loyal and loving to our son, David, and it made a difference; a real honest to goodness difference, in David’s life. Before he had movie star good looks, he was just a scrawny, goofy kid with braces and boundless happy energy, who just happened to be smart as a whip, funny beyond his years, and intensely interesting. Most other kids would come over and we’d smile and say “Hi” and “you guys have a good time”. But with Endi, we’d sit down and speak with him, and we were better for it.

He got my oh-so-subtle humor, which must have been a pleasant change for him. But seriously, it’s true. He had a superb brain, and was raised to view life as multi-dimensional and complex, and to question that which others blindly accepted. And this made him friggin’ interesting. And it means that those who knew him have questions, really poignant questions, that were we speaking of someone else, would simply not be so compelling; What would Endi have accomplished in his life? What would he have become? What would his ultimate passions have been? Who would his life partner have been? What kind of father would he have been, and what kind of kids would he have raised? And why; why why why did he jump in that water? Why? I guess knowing Endi, we do have some clues as to that answer, but I wish to God I’d had the opportunity to argue with him about it. To beg him not to, to tackle him and hold him down, to offer him money, a car, a vacation, ANYTHING to stay on those Goddamn rocks… to stay with us; with the so very many people who loved him and valued him and wanted to live in a world of which he was a part.

I had so very many photos of Endi at David’s Bar Mitzvah. Even though David had almost 70 kids there, he was almost constantly with, near, or sharing looks with Endi (as you’ll notice in these photos). Sorry if there’s too many. 

For David’s 11th or 12th birthday (not sure which), he wanted Endi and John Tolbert to join us in going to The Melting Pot (David’s choice, not mine). These two photos show the craziness happening in the backseat. 

These next two photos were also taken of Endi, John, and David on that same birthday. These two were snapped in our basement, in David’s “Man Cave”. 

This first one is one of my all-time favorites. It’s from a an overnight cub scout trip where we all stayed in Baltimore Harbor overnight on the Taney, a WW II Vessel. That’s Endi on the left, Matt Dulan in the middle, and my son, David Wiener, on the right. 

These next two are also from the Taney. The first has Endi’s Dad, Sam (in beret and beard), and Matt’s Dad, Jack (foreground) in it.

And this next one has Endi and David (back to camera) being told about the Taney’s map/navigation capabilities.

Perhaps they are not stars but rather
openings in Heaven where the love of our lost
ones shines down to let us know they are happy
Eskimo Legend